by Cathleen Murphy with Lisa Greer
Romans 5:3-5
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
One cold, rainy night, I had nowhere to go and no way to get in touch with the only friend I knew would come. I was tired, lonely, and scared. I’d been driving around for 20 minutes, not knowing what to do. In Costa Mesa California, sleeping in your car, trailer, van or RV is illegal. Getting caught would mean a $250 ticket. Getting caught a second time would mean three days in jail. Finally, I said, ‘Lord, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do or where to go. If you want me to meet up with my friend, you’ll have to make it happen.’ Just then, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw bright headlights. It was my friend. I was so relieved I cried. That was only the beginning of what I was about to go through, but thankfully those frightening days are well behind me.
In a recent interview, a local news reporter asked, “What makes you different? How did you escape homelessness when thousands of other people can’t?” I told him, “It’s simple. First, I placed my faith in God, knowing He was by my side every step of the way. Second, I kept my circumstances–being without a home, separate from my identity–who I was as a person”. If you ever make eye contact with a homeless person, you might notice the deadness in their eyes. Many feel their days are numbered, and they have nothing but sadness, loneliness, loss and pain to look forward to. They are afraid to get their hopes up because they have been disappointed so many times before. Every day I fought the tendency to label myself as a “homeless person,” because once you “own” that identity, your hope begins to fade away until there is nothing left.
Although my circumstances were different than most of the homeless people I’d met, I still had one thing in common –no home. Many suffer from addiction, mental illness, or a medical condition. With me, one day I was making $50 per hour as a consultant and providing a home for my 9 children, the next, I was unemployed and within days of losing everything I owned. So often, I just wanted to give up, but I always held onto that last thread of hope that God had a better future planned for me and my children. He ultimately proved that I was right.
Early on, when I couldn’t immediately replace my income, I sent my children to live with friends and relatives and spent the next several weeks “couch surfing” and sleeping under the back seat of my minivan. I was finally taken in by a small church where I shared a room with four other homeless women for 8 months. Every morning dozens of homeless people arrived for Bible study at 7:00 a.m. and breakfast at 8:00 a.m. At first I was afraid of them, but soon I realized they were hurting people, just like me. I talked with them, prayed with them, and wept with them.
I often tell people, if you aren’t a little bit crazy when you become homeless, you will be if you stay homeless for long. You have to create a routine for yourself, or you’ll become disoriented and all the days melt into one. Some days I would eat lunch at the soup kitchen, then on certain nights I visited my kids–one on Tuesday, another on Thursday, and the younger ones on Friday. This routine gave me a sense of purpose.
I struggled in this situation for about a year, until January 2005, when I happened into a temporary housing situation and the court gave custody of my two teenage girls back to me. Then, in April, I entered a transitional shelter in Anaheim, where we lived in an apartment building and paid a program fee of $250 per month. Residents can only stay 9 to 12 months, so technically we were still homeless.
To regain custody of my two youngest daughters, I had to appear in court to convince a judge it was in their best interest to live with me. At the time, I was making minimum wage and living in the shelter with four other children. My daughters’ foster mother owned a five-bedroom house and had enough money to put the girls in a Christian school and take them on a 10-day vacation to Hawaii. From the day she took my daughters in, she had them call her “Mommy” and made it clear that she wanted to adopt them. When I went to court that day, it seemed like I didn’t have a chance, but I felt the Lord’s presence in the courtroom that day, and my daughters went home with me. As I pressed on, new obstacles presented themselves, but my faith remained strong. Somehow I knew God had a bigger purpose for me than just getting myself out of trouble.
My experiences have made me stronger and more determined to do all I can for others in similar circumstances. In my current position as Program Development Director for American Family Housing (AFH) in Midway City, California, my days are filled with activities from grant writing and fundraising to connecting homeless and at-risk people with housing and resources. I attend a lot of community meetings, such as Homeless Provider Forum, where I connect with nonprofit and government service providers who can help us serve our clients better.
Recently I also became President of the Project HOPE School Foundation, which supports a public school for homeless and low-income children. Two of my children have attended Project HOPE School for four years, where they receive free breakfast and lunch, transportation to and from school, afterschool childcare, and help with food and clothing.
Having been homeless myself, I’m always looking for resources that will help people become self sufficient by the time they leave our program in 12-24 months, rather than just putting a band-aid on their circumstances so they can make it through another day. At AFH, I’m constantly trying to influence the direction of our organization to really make a difference to homeless people so they’ll never be homeless again.
Most transitional shelter programs only take in homeless clients who are already employed because they charge a monthly fee to help cover program expenses. At AFH, we turn away hundreds of desperate people every month because they aren’t working. To me, that’s completely backwards. We need to find a way to employ them. If we can’t go out into the community and find jobs, then we need to create jobs and even small businesses. For example, AFH has turned one of its properties into a nursery for California native plants, which require very little water—a valuable commodity with the long-standing drought. These plants will be used to launch a landscaping business that will employ several of our shelter residents.
When people leave our program in 12-24 months, what happens if they still aren’t self-sufficient? What happens to the thousands more who never make it into any shelter program?
These questions weigh heavily on my heart. My deepest desire is that God will use me to help one more homeless person… then one more… and then one more… until homelessness has been wiped out. I give my personal cell phone number to every service provider and homeless person I meet, and I get calls for help nearly every day. When I talk to a homeless person, I literally feel their pain. I know how it feels to have nowhere to sleep, to wonder where you’re going to get your next meal, or if you’re ever going to see your kids again. It’s a horrible thing, but God brought me through it so I can give others hope. That’s the most powerful thing about my job. When a homeless person calls me for help, I ask if they are Christian. Then I share my testimony and pray with them that God will open the right doors and bring the right people into their lives who will lead them out of homelessness.
There are days when I get so frustrated that I want to walk away from the whole thing. Some days I can’t stop crying because I feel I’m not having enough impact. No matter how hard I try, I know I can’t end homelessness by myself. I believe that the real solution to homelessness is for Christians of every denomination to reach out to the homeless with the same love and acceptance that Jesus has for them.
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